Basic Factor Number Two: The consistent use of means to attain those goals
The second factor which constitutes effective fatherhood is this: The consistent use of means calculated to attain those goals. Look at verse eleven: as you know how we dealt with each one of you as a father with his own children, exhorting you, encouraging you, testifying to the end, you see what Paul is saying? “I had a goal in mind, and the goal was that you might walk worthily of God. And with that goal in mind, I chose appropriate means to the realization of that goal.” And you see, that’s the second part of actually becoming an effective father. Not only the setting of goals, but the consistent use of means calculated to attain those goals.
And I use the word “consistent” because Paul uses three verbal forms, we call them participles, and they are all present tense participles. “We were continually at the business of exhorting you, comforting you, and testifying. We didn’t exhort once, get discouraged, and quit. We kept at it. We didn’t comfort you once and then quit. We kept at it. We did not solemnly testify once and lay off. We kept at it. The goal was there, and we chose appropriate means for the realization of that goal, and we employed those means consistently.”
I want to say two things now about those means, as I did two things about the goals. Number one, the means too, must be scripturally warranted. And listen carefully, parents. Paul, as a spiritual father, knew that God had not only ordained the goals, but the means to attain those goals. Paul was not a Jesuit who said, “The end justifies the means.” Or reversing it and saying, “Any means will do, as long as your end is worthy.’ No, no. The means must be scripturally warranted. Paul knew, as a spiritual father, he had only the means of the verbal communication of the Word of God.
But he used the full range of that means, from exhortation (literally “consolation” or “comfort”), and then he solemnly testified. He spoke as a witness who was under oath, and he brought to bear upon them the solemnity of the revealed mind of God. He had but one means available to him as a spiritual father, that was the means of communicating the Word of God. But he used every legitimate avenue within that means. And so we, as earthly fathers in the administration of our fatherhood, must have means that are scripturally warranted. And what are those means?
Well, they all are ranged under the two heads of Ephesians 6:4, nurture them in the chastening or discipline and the admonition of the Lord. There is the whole pattern of discipline, training by rewards and punishments, admonishing, verbal instruction intensified with earnestness and laid upon the consciences of our children. We must have scripturally warranted means. No pragmatism. No conformity to the world’s experts on child development. They speak out of the matrix of a humanistic view of man; he’s nothing but the highest expression of animal life. He is not inherently a sinner, nor is he the subject of redemptive grace.
And when anyone tries to understand human behavior, in infancy or adulthood, who denies man’s distinctiveness as created in the image of God, his fall in Adam and basic sinner hood, and the redemptive power of Christ, (once in a while God may let a little glimmer of light peek through whatever he says) his so-called knowledge is nothing but accumulated darkness. And some of you read too much secular garbage about children, and that’s what it is. Garbage! The Word of God is sufficient to teach the means available for the training of your children.
And so then in the implementation of those means, we must administer them wisely. Look at the text. Sometimes Paul exhorted. Sometimes exhortation would have wounded his spiritual children and discouraged them, so he comforted them. Other times to comfort them would have lulled them to sleep, so he solemnly testified to them. Well, how did he know when to exhort, when to comfort, and to testify? Well, he was given wisdom by the Lord to know what was appropriate at the given time.
And do you see, fathers, you then must have that wisdom that God has promised to those who lack it. And who among us, who is attempting to any degree to do his task as a father, does not go back to James one? There are about two or three verses that I’ve said to God, “Lord, I’m so glad you’ve never retracted your word, for if ever I would wear a verse out by use, I John 1:9 would be one of them, If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. And James one is another one. If wearing a verse out by use were possible, I would have worn it out: If any of you lack wisdom.
How many times have I knelt before God and said, “Lord, I don’t know what to do. Here is this need in my son or in my daughters. Lord, there’s the goal, and here’s where they are. Lord, I don’t know what they need. Do I solemnly testify at this point? Do I comfort? Do I exhort? Do I punish with physical punishment? Do I withdraw privileges? Do I overlook the issue? Is it an issue that ought not to be focused upon, or is this an index of something deeper? Should I pursue it with the relentlessness of a prosecuting attorney in cross-examination? Lord, what should I do?” We need to administer God-ordained means wisely.
Secondly, we need to administer the means individually. Look what Paul could say: We dealt with each one of you. Paul did not simply preach in the public place to the people of God, he would take them aside individually, knowing that each individual had his own peculiar needs. And an effective father is one who, not only has means that are scripturally warranted, but they are scripturally employed. And to employ them scripturally is not only to employ them wisely, but individually.
You say, “Pastor, you’re talking about a full-time job.” You bet your boots I am, and that’s why some of you have got to stop playing games. “But that doesn’t leave me any time with my shrubs and to play with my golf ball.” It may leave you precious little time for your shrubs and your golf ball, so what? You have but twenty years to mold that life. You’ve got plenty of time to trim your shrubs and whack your golf balls when they’re gone and your influence is basically brought back to zero. They must be individually administered, and, of course, they must be prayerfully administered.
Paul could say of all his spiritual children, Remembering you in my prayers. We’ve heard the statement: “The best of men are but men at best.” The best of means are but means at best. And if God doesn’t bless those means, even though they are scripturally based and scripturally employed, they’ll come to naught. And few things are more humbling to an earthly father than is this tremendous realization; that God must make these means effectual or my children will turn out as though they never had a father who cared for them.
It’s just the same way spiritually. You want something to humble you? Preach to people who are unconverted under your ministry for fifteen years. Weep over them in secret and in public. Plead and entreat and exhort and warn and invite. Use every biblical means for their salvation, and yet they’ll sit unconverted and spiritually dead, unless God is pleased to quicken them. And if they try to excuse their impenitence by that truth, God will damn them from their own mouth.
But it’s a truth nonetheless. And I tell you, parents, if you’ve got any notion that if you read six books and do everything according to the books, go to a seminar on child-training or something else and do it all according to the rules and everything’s going to turn out all right. And God may have to humble you in a very, very painful way. Well, I’ve said all I wanted to say about those two principles, now I want to close with just a couple very pertinent observations.
If the essential grace for effective fatherhood is self-giving love; If a godly example is the essential pattern and context for effective fatherhood; If the setting of goals and the appropriate use of means to attain those goals are of the essence of effective fatherhood; certain conclusions ought to be very evident to us this morning.