real, consistent, practical godliness
Now notice in the second place the behavior pattern essential for effective fatherhood: real, consistent, practical godliness.
The Apostle moves on from the statement of his love and how it works, to these very striking words of chapter two and verse 10: “You are witnesses and God also, how holily and righteously and unblameably we behaved ourselves towards you that believed. As you know how we dealt with each one of you as a father…” You see the immediate setting of the exercise of fatherly influence is this description of his behavior pattern, without which that fatherly influence would be neutralized.
Now what is the essence of the pattern? It was a life marked by three things. Look at the language; “Holily, justly or righteously, and unblameably”. Most of the commentators are agreed that what Paul is doing is pointing to three dimensions of consistent godliness. Number one, it was a life marked by true devotion to God, “how holily we behaved ourselves”. It was marked as a life in strict adherence to the law of God; “How righteously we behaved ourselves”. And it was a life marked by a consistent testimony before the people of God; “how blamelessly we behaved ourselves towards you”. So the essence of the pattern of Paul’s life in his spiritual parental influence was this – a pattern of real, consistent, practical godliness.
And to underscore that it was no sham, having dealt with the essence of the pattern, he underscores the genuineness of the pattern, verse ten: “You Thessalonians are witnesses and God also”. In other words, what you saw is what really is. We were not one thing in front of you and another thing in secret. If that were so, what you saw and what God saw would be two different things. But he said that the thing to which you bore witness is the very thing to which God will bear witness, namely, that we walked in singleness of devotion to God, we walked in strict conformity to the law of God, and we walked in consistent testimony before the people of God.
Now why was Paul so concerned to underscore this fact just as he is about to mention that they were as fathers among the Thessalonians? Well, you see, Paul understood that, unless this behavior pattern marked his influence as a spiritual father, that influence would be greatly negated and neutralized. Paul knew that he would be violating a fundamental biblical law of learning, and do you know what that biblical law is? It is enough for the pupil to be as his master; “For the disciple to be as his teacher” (Matthew 10:25). Paul understood what in our day is called the concept of modeling. He knew that, if he were to be the spiritual father he ought to be, he had to be that kind of a father by example, or he would violate a fundamental biblical law of learning.
Furthermore, he knew that his instruction would have no grip on the consciences of those whom he would lead. If you want to have a grip on the consciences of those whom you lead, you must so live as to commend your life style as real to the consciences of men. II Corinthians 4:1, “We have renounced the hidden things of darkness, not walking in craftiness nor handling the Word of God deceitfully, commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God”. And, furthermore, he knew that if he would demonstrate himself to be anything other than a hypocrite, then he had to be able to say, “My life style as a spiritual father was the embodiment of what I sought to make you.” For the mark of a hypocrite, according to Jesus in his indictment of the Scribes and Pharisees is this: “Scribes, Pharisees, hypocrites! You say, but you do not”.
Now for all those reasons Paul and his companions, in the role of spiritual paternity, sought to be exemplary in life. And I say to every father in this place this morning, the behavior pattern essential for effective fatherhood is the behavior pattern of consistent and genuine godliness before the Lord and before our children. If we would be effective fathers, we must at any cost to ourselves, our reputation with the world–now follow me–our career ambitions, and our financial security at any cost to anything in our lives! We must be determined that we’ll have a grip on the consciences of our children. That when we speak, if everything in their unregenerate nature rises up and hates it, we’ll still have a hook on their conscience, because we’re real!
Now they may hate it to the point that one man in a sister church hated it. A godly father, setting a godly example administering a godly rule, has a teenage son that takes the bit in his teeth and says, “I am not going to submit to that rule.” The father says, “As long as you’re under this roof, we go to church on the Lord’s Day. You’re under this roof. You come to church.” “I will not.” “Yes, you will.” And his anger reached the point that one morning he pointed a gun at his own father’s belly, and it was only the father’s quick reflexes pushing the gun down that made the bullet hit him in the knee and not the belly.
That young man ended up in a penal institution, but two months ago he went under the waters of baptism and now sits with his father in the worship of Almighty God. Why? You say, “Sovereign grace.” Yes, but grace that worked by means of a grip upon his conscience that he could not shake. Why? He saw in that father consistent godliness. That’s why. And all that the father said had a hook on his conscience, because of what the father was. Without this our children have no model. They do not feel the weight of our instructions. They become cynical and sour upon our religion and feel that everyone’s like dad is, nothing but a hypocrite.
If my father were here, I would not say this, and I seldom make reference to my parents, but I want to pay a tribute to my earthly father this morning. Where did I learn proper priorities, that money was never an end to be pursued in itself? Where did I learn that? Where did I learn to have a sensitive concern for the demands upon the mother of young children? Where did I learn unquestioned loyalty to one woman? The proper use of time? Where did I learn being absolutely circumspect in relations to the unconverted? To the extent that I have learned any of those lessons, I’ll tell you where I learned them. By watching my father, and watching him to this day.