Fundamental Grace
The first principle of effective fatherhood that is clearly set forth in this passage is what I am calling the fundamental grace essential for effective fatherhood.
Now this passage contains some amazing statements—we might say almost startling statements in their contrasting ideas. Paul could say that, as a wise, assertive, concerned spiritual father, he and his companions manifested the gentle sensitive love of a nursing mother. Now, isn’t that a strange conjunction of ideas—a strong, assertive, firm father who has the gentle, sensitive tenderness of a nursing mother? That’s exactly what he says in verse seven; And the grace that lay beneath that gentleness was the grace of a genuine, Spirit-wrought love in Paul’s heart for the Thessalonians, because he tells us at the end of verse 8: “ye were become very dear to us” (more literally rendered, You became beloved to us). You see, the grace above all other graces which characterized Paul’s fatherly influence with the Thessalonians, was this grace of intense, sensitive, self-giving love. He expresses it in the words, “You were become beloved to us”.
Now notice how that love was manifested. Gentleness was its bearing, verse 7: “But we were gentle in the midst of you, as when a nurse cherisheth her own children”. Now here’s the picture of a woman who so loves babies that she gives herself to be a wet-nurse to other people’s babies. She so loves little ones that she lets their lives be sustained at her own breast. Now, if she has that kind of bond to children, what must the bond be when she holds the fruit of her own womb at her breast? It’s the epitome of all maternal tenderness. And Paul says, “In fulfilling our roll of godly, assertive, spiritual fatherhood in regard to you Thessalonians, there was this grace of intense, sensitive, self-giving love manifesting itself in a gentleness of bearing.”
And I couldn’t help but think of the advertisement that has fallen along the way, but some of you will remember it–the Timken Roller-Bearing ad. They would always picture this man who had a square jaw like Pop-Eye, with lots of stubble on it, who had shoulders like a professional line-backer, and gnarled hands. He looks sort of like a combination of a sailor, a dock-worker, a construction worker, and a bouncer, and they picture him with all of those characteristics and stubble on his chin. But then he might be holding a little kitty-cat and stroking its head, and the caption beneath would say this: “So tough, but, oh, so gentle!”
You see, that’s exactly what we have in this passage. Paul can say, “As a father we exhorted, we admonished, we encouraged.” Here was assertiveness. Here was no namby-pamby patsy who sat around with folded hands, who let the spiritual household go to pot! Here was a man with a keen perception of what the situation was, who had a clear understanding of what was needed in that situation, and who moved in with holy toughness and assertiveness to be the spiritual father he ought to be. Yet he says his bearing was that of the gentleness of a nursing mother.
Now what is it that makes a man assertive enough to be a good father, yet to have the quality of gentleness? Why it’s the grace of love. It is love that is patient and kind. It is love that bears all things, believes all things. It is love that is not easily provoked, seeketh not her own. You simply read 1 Corinthians 13, and you see in that description of love, in its actings and attitudes, that gentleness is woven throughout the entire fabric of that description. Furthermore, it was not only gentle in its bearing; it was selfless in its disposition. Look at verse 8: “We were well pleased to impart unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls”.
Technically speaking, that’s all that was required of Paul as a gospel minister, to speak the gospel in all the integrity of its God-given contents. He already referred to that up in verse four: “For our exhortation [is] not of error, nor of uncleanness, nor in guile: but even as we have been approved of God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak; not as pleasing men, but God who proveth our hearts”. But he said we went beyond the minimum requirement of simply giving you the content of the gospel. There was this selflessness of disposition. You see, his heart was baptized with that love that is selfless in its very essence. And then he goes on to say in verse nine that arduous labor marked the performance of that love: “You remember, brethren, our labor and travail, working night and day, that we might not burden any of you, we preached unto you the gospel”.
What was the fundamental grace that characterized Paul’s spiritual fatherhood of the Thessalonians? It was this grace of intense, sensitive, self-giving love, manifested in a gentleness of bearing, selflessness of disposition, and an arduous labor in the out-working of its demands. And I say to every father in this place, whatever other graces are essential to effective fatherhood, standing as king and queen over every other grace is the grace of this kind of love. Whatever else you may have by nature or by grace wrought in you to make you competent as a father, if you do not abound in this grace you cannot begin to fulfill your God-appointed roll. It is this grace of intense, sensitive, self-giving love which, above all else, is essential for effective fatherhood. Without this grace you will not be willing to pay the price of fulfilling your many rolls in relationship to your household.
It takes this kind of love that will make you do what is necessary adequately to provide the material needs of your household. It is this grace which above all others will make you say “No” to yourself and engage in those many acts of self-denial essential to understanding your children, setting up strong bonds of communication with your children, giving yourself to sensitive and perceptive listening to your children, giving yourself literally to hours of agonizing prayer until Christ is formed in your children. Giving yourself, if necessary, to periods of prayer and fasting when you meet snags in the development and nurture of your children and you’ve come to a wall, an impasse and you cannot seem to break through, and so you deny yourself even your necessary food, willing to impart not just bread on the table, but your very soul for your children.